Great question!

An asexual surrogate partner is someone who provides emotional and physical intimacy to individuals, often to help them overcome challenges related to relationships or intimacy. Unlike traditional surrogacy, which may involve sexual activity, an asexual surrogate partner focuses on non-sexual aspects while fostering a safe and supportive environment.

To simplify, it’s just like traditional surrogate partner therapy but with different boundaries. CLIENTS DO NOT NEED TO BE ASEXUAL TO WORK WITH ME. That said, a client who identifies as asexual or is considering if they are asexual might appreciate a practitioner who can better understand.

2023 was the year that I learned that I am on the asexual spectrum. While I am a sex-favorable asexual, meaning that I’m not repulsed by sex, sex takes a lot of spoons for me. With this new realization, I can now better understand why sex in my work feels like more effort than I’m willing to give.

I started in professional cuddling in late 2015, which is strictly platonic work. I love that space! I also love the work I’ve done in surrogate partner therapy. I’ve had a lot of success working with clients, many times never touching on erotic contact. My surrogate partner colleagues would love everyone to understand that the core of our work is relational more than erotic. Even though it doesn’t always go to sex, for many of my colleagues there is erotic potential. In my flavor of SPT, arousal is welcome but there will be no possibility of erotic contact.

What does that mean for you, the clinician?

Suppose you’ve ever felt uncomfortable with the sexual aspect of the work. In that case, that discomfort now has a chance to shift into curiosity about what is possible in the surrogate partner container. The benefits of SPT are still available to your clients!

• We can still work in a close triadic team.

• We can still address sexual issues.

• We can still help our clients learn to feel safe in their body and with another person.

• We can still help clients experience the value of non-sexual intimacy.

• We can still help them build healthy relationship skills/communication.

• We are just never going to have sexual contact.

This will also mean I might not be the right fit for all clients. I never was the right fit for EVERY client. Each surrogate partner comes with their own flavor of the work. There has never been a one-size-fits-all. I can see my limitations being difficult for clients to understand. The sex has traditionally been the carrot that brought a lot of people to the work. It may even mean that we don’t call it surrogate partner therapy when introducing it to the client. I love using phrases like “Foundations of Human Connection”, “Nervous System Coach”, and “Human Connection Coach” to name a few.

Ultimately, I support clients in learning what safety feels like. Period.

What are the limits to my work?

I work in two stages and you will always be in the decision-making as an involved clinician if you choose to be involved.

• Stage 1 is clothed work. We never take our clothes off. This is almost 100% of my work. If this is a limit that feels great for you and your client, it never needs to go any further than this. Rates can be found here.

• Stage 2 is clothes-off. This can include body image work, normalizing bodies, and even naked cuddling. It’s still platonic. I’ve had some clients blossom in this space so I’d hate to take it off the menu entirely.

• Optionally, if there is a need for masturbation coaching or more sexually-based work, I have referrals available.

Thank you for your interest! I hope that helped answer the big question: “But how?!” I’m glad to continue this conversation and answer any other questions that have come to mind. Send me a message and check out the rest of my SPT information by clicking the button below.