“My Work is Very Personal”

When Michelle explains her work, she often tears up as she talks about the personal journey she’s had and how she helps clients develop similar skills. She emphasizes that “the work is very personal,” reflecting on the generations of women in her family who lacked the voice she has today.

Michelle Renee (she/her) grew up in West Michigan as the oldest of three daughters. Her parents had trouble communicating; her father often yelled when she was just 5, and later they went from fighting to silence. Her mother avoided closeness and didn't teach her about boundaries or independence. As a teenager, she received unwanted attention from adult men, which she accepted but now views as harmful. In her current relationship, she learned that her self-worth was tied to her sexuality, but she has worked hard to see her value beyond that.

Michelle remembers her mother loved self-help books, often reading titles like “How to Declutter Your Life in 30 Days.” She wishes her mom had a bookshelf like hers now to explore deeper personal growth.

In 1996, Michelle married her first husband at 20. During their 18-year marriage, they raised two sons, but she lost her sense of self and confidence, which she had at 17 when they met. She repeated her parents' relationship patterns, sacrificing her bodily autonomy and sometimes giving in to sex to avoid conflict, a situation she now sees as ‘sexual coercion’. Instead of setting boundaries, she surrendered her body to her husband and felt lost daily. Both felt a lack of connection but didn’t know how to change it.

In 2002, during difficult times in her marriage, Michelle's mom died at 50 after a two-year fight with Inflammatory Breast Cancer. Their relationship had its challenges, but her mother had a positive influence on Michelle's life.

Her relationship with her father was much more complex. As he got older, it became harder to connect with him. This might relate to Michelle's efforts to understand and have healthy relationships. He died at 69 in 2021.

In 2014, as her marriage was ending, Michelle Renee discovered a passionate sex educator named Betty Dodson. At Betty’s Bodysex workshop, Michelle realized she wanted to teach hands-on sex education. This experience also helped her learn to love her body, embrace her sexuality, and make bold choices in her life.

Her first major move towards her new career was training in professional cuddling. As a newly divorced stay-at-home mom, she sought to find herself in this new phase of life. In December 2015, she drove through the snow from West Michigan to Chicago to meet Madelon Guinazzo, co-founder of Cuddlist.com, marking the start of her new journey.

Within a year, she became a Cuddlist Certified Cuddle Therapist, Operations Manager for Cuddlist.com, and a Certified Cuddle Party facilitator. This cuddle work transformed her life by teaching consent, communication, and boundaries while creating a safe space for touch. Through this work, she healed from her unhealthy first marriage and became a living example of the lessons she shares.

While in West Michigan, she started two local Sex Geekdom hubs, a global group that encourages open discussions about sex and relationships. The groups met monthly to share ideas on various topics, like kink, relationship types, and consent.

In 2018, after moving to San Diego, California, she started training in Surrogate Partner Therapy (SPT) at The Institute of Mind Body Therapy. In San Diego, she joined both STEM (Sex Therapy Education Medicine) and GSRD (Gender, Sexuality, and Relationship Diversity Affirming Therapists).

After completing her Surrogate Partner Therapy training in 2019, she moved to Baltimore, Maryland, and started offering SPT in the Mid-Atlantic region. She worked at Ananda Integrative Healing in Philadelphia as a staff surrogate partner and expanded her client list with help from her mentor, Brian Gibney, in the Baltimore/DC area. Additionally, she co-founded Embrace, a resource group for surrogate partners and collaborating therapists.

In 2021, Michelle moved back to San Diego. In 2022, she became the co-chair of the AASECT Somatic Sexuality Professional Special Interest Group and created Soft Cock Appreciation Week, a week focused on education about flaccid phalluses. In 2023, she resumed leadership at Cuddlist as the new Director of Training and launched two podcasts: The Intimacy Lab and The Soft Cock Week Podcast. In 2024, she shifted back to her focus on platonic touch, stepping away from being a surrogate partner to work solely as a human connection coach and cuddle therapist. As she heads into 2025, she’s looking forward to being the new co-owner of Cuddlist®.

Michelle uses labels like cis, asexual, and neuroqueer. She helps clients with trauma find safety within themselves and with others, regardless of gender. Her goal is to create a space where clients can be true to themselves and explore their desires. This work connects to the personal growth her mother began and that Michelle continues for herself.