Relational Healing Through Safe, Trusted Touch - Allowing for a Reparative Experience
Human Connnection Lab
The key to all good relationships is feeling safe - both emotionally and physically.
Welcome to the Human Connection Lab! I'm Michelle Renee, your coach for human connection and expert in non-sexual intimacy. If you haven't seen the video above, I recommend checking it out. If you can't watch it now, here's a quick overview: I introduce the Human Connection Lab, where I use my training in professional cuddling and surrogate partner therapy to help people connect better. I address issues like discomfort with touch, lack of experience with non-sexual intimacy, and trouble connecting with partners. I stress the importance of learning to connect without focusing on sex, and I emphasize the goal of resetting your understanding of healthy connection. I also explain how I build a personal and professional relationship with clients and offer additional support as needed.
Who do I work with?
In the video, I mention that males often miss out on non-sexual touch from a young age and might only get it through sports or sex. This doesn't mean I only work with men. I work with all genders. Most of my clients are single. If you're in a relationship, I recommend bringing your partner to a later session so they can learn the exercises and be on board with the work we're doing. It's important for them to know about this intimate work and how it will change your relationship with them and others. It's crucial for them to be aware and give consent, as not telling them can be seen as 'cheating', even though the work is strictly platonic.
What do I mean when I say “reset your baseline”?
When I say "reset your baseline," I mean helping your nervous system feel safe and secure. Our nervous systems develop from infancy, influenced by our primary caretaker. If our caretaker is stressed or distracted, it can affect our development. Thankfully, our brains are adaptable, so we can reset some of those early experiences.
If you've been through a traumatic situation or relationship, your nervous system might not feel safe now. I specialize in helping clients feel safe in their nervous system. With my expertise and experience, I can help you feel more comfortable in your body and with others. Then, you can take this confidence into all your relationships.
Sessions can help with:
Managing anxiety and depression
Setting boundaries, expressing needs, and desires
Feeling more empowered and overcoming past trauma
Recovering from abuse and neglect, including sexual, physical, and emotional trauma
Boosting self-esteem and dealing with body image issues
Overcoming codependency in relationships and attachment problems
Changing your understanding of consent and obligation. It's common to learn early on that people in authority can control our bodies, and it can be difficult to unlearn this belief.
What does a session look like?
You may be wondering what a session with me looks like. We begin by exploring how you want to connect, which can be a big question. Many clients struggle to answer it, so we work on figuring it out from the get-go. I use various exercises and coaching techniques during each session, without a set plan, to address whatever comes up in the moment. My role is to guide you in slowing down, being present, and tuning into your body's truth during our time together. It's like a live experiment where we strive to be authentic and face fears, while I create a safe space for you to take risks. As you become more comfortable, we gradually approach new challenges at a pace that suits you. Think of our sessions as the therapy of the social world.
Sessions vary from 60 minutes to 3 hours, depending on each client's needs and availability. We'll discuss this in more detail during our intake call and decide together. I usually recommend starting with a 90-minute or 2-hour session.
Are other levels of work available beyond Foundations of Human Connection?
Yes, there are additional options beyond the Foundations of Human Connection. During our sessions, I might recommend other methods to assist you. This could involve boosting your confidence with your body by being naked together to view our bodies as normal, and possibly visiting public nude places. I can also connect you with other professionals if necessary.
What should you do next? How can we proceed?
The next thing to do is get in touch with me. I'd like to schedule a one-hour Zoom call to see if we're a good match to work together. We can chat and I can learn more about you. You can also ask me anything you want.
How much does it cost?
The price is $170 per hour, and you pay for each session separately. It's hard to predict how many sessions you'll need, but most people work with me for many months. Sessions are usually scheduled weekly or every two weeks. My location is in Rancho Bernardo, near the 15 freeway. If you want me to come to you, there's a $50 travel fee for areas within western San Diego County, around a 30-minute drive from Rancho Bernardo.
What if you’re not in San Diego?
If you're not in San Diego, that's okay. Clients can come to town for an in-depth workshop spanning several days. I can also come to you.
Do I need to have a talk therapist to work with you?
You don't have to see a talk therapist for Foundations of Human Connection sessions, but I believe it's more effective when clients also have a talk therapist.
If you have more questions, please check the FAQ. If you can't find the answer there, you can email your questions using 'Let's Connect.'
“Few practitioners can blend their own humanity with their expertise as readily and sincerely as Michelle. Her openhearted, well-boundaried poise is the hallmark of her distinct brand of compassionate professionalism. Her character and practice model a soft power, firm courage, and guiding discipline that is aspirational to clients and colleagues alike.”
— Brandon Hunter-Haydon, MSW, CSE, RYT and Surrogate Partner
"[You are] the very smart trauma-informed surrogate I’d most want to have a beer with because of your relatable and lively and playful self.”
Meet Michelle Renee
My name is Michelle and I’m a Surrogate Partner and Hands-On Clinically Minded Platonic Intimacy Guide based in San Diego, California. I’ve been working in human connection since 2015, with over 1,100 in-person session hours. I’m humbled by the growth I’ve witnessed in my clients when they get a chance to experience safety in self, security, trust, acceptance, and self-empowerment. I see my work as the physical therapy of emotional health.
I’m here to support you in discovering and loving your authentic self so that you can share the same love and acceptance with the people in your life, helping them do the same, over and over.
How?
By witnessing you from a place of unconditional positive regard.
By encouraging you to borrow my love for you, until you can harvest it for yourself.
By offering a laboratory for exploration where risk-taking is a little less risky.
By empowering you to discover and own your pleasures in life.
By liberating you from the idea that putting yourself first is selfish.
By modeling self-love, worth, and compassion. No higher power, no magic, no woo-woo. I’m a self-educated, girl next door with a giant heart and experience in my own growth process. I’ve done it. I know you can too.
I strive to build a deep connection with you while giving you permission to experiment with your boundaries, your desire, and your body.
This “safe space” allows you to explore and work through the human experience which can include, but is not limited to:
Trauma
Sexuality
Attachment wounds
Change in ability/circumstance
Body acceptance
Emotional and/or physical intimacy challenges
Surrogate Partner Therapy
Surrogate Partner Therapy (SPT) is a hands-on supplemental modality to talk therapy, used to model and practice healthy relationship skills, communication skills, and intimacy skills. The client, the surrogate partner, and the clinician work together in the triadic model.
Generally, clients seek Surrogate Partner Therapy because they experience obstacles to emotional or physical intimacy that prevent them from having healthy romantic and/or sexual relationships.
Some common obstacles may include:
• Orgasmic or Erectile Difficulty
• History of Abuse or Assault
• Sexually Naïve (Late-Life “Virgin”)
• Social Anxiety
• Orientation and Identity with LGBTQIA+
• Genital Pain
• Disability
…while others are less immediately apparent.
Less traditionally, clients may seek Surrogate Partner Therapy due to obstacles around:
• Lack of nurturing in childhood that has left the client struggling to self-regulate.
• Struggling to set and hold boundaries.
• Developing or regaining the ability to experience safety in their body post-SA or other abuse/trauma when moving through the world.
Regardless of the obstacle, Surrogate Partner Therapy addresses the whole person, rather than the symptoms. We work together to have healthy connections to ourselves and others.
Boundary Note: I do not engage in sexual contact with my clients. If that is important for the case, another surrogate partner may be a better fit. We can discuss it.
Think Surrogate Partner Therapy might be a good fit for your client? Let’s connect.
Surrogate Partner Therapy - What can it look like?
I invite you to watch this touching segment from This is Life with Lisa Ling on CNN. In this segment, you’ll see Surrogate Partner Emiko working with two different clients. My Surrogate Partner Therapy sessions look very similar.
Be advised that this 25-minute clip contains some discussion of abuse, as well as nudity.